The Gift of Tears

By JOHN EVANGELISTA 

The time many associated with gift-giving has been and gone already. Where does time go? But because the Christmas season is over, it is not a time to stop giving gifts. Here’s a suggestion: What about trying to offer the “gift of tears” throughout 2022? 

Pope Francis, in his apostolic exhortation Gaudete et Exsultate (Rejoice and Be Glad), invites us to “discover the meaning of life by coming to the aid of those who suffer, understanding their anguish and bringing relief”. He commends such persons who share in the suffering of others: “They sense that the other is flesh of our flesh, and are not afraid to draw near, even to touch their wounds. They feel compassion for others in such a way that all distance vanishes. In this way, they can embrace Saint Paul’s exhortation: ‘Weep with those who weep’ (Romans 12:15).” (Gaudete et Exsultate, 76) 

The Church has always valued this “gift of tears” – and has proposed this as a way to holiness following the teaching of the Divine Master: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” 

The past two years have been a time of trial and uncertainty for almost everyone. The risk of contracting Covid-19, and the fear of the unknown have adversely affected the mental health and well-being of people of all ages. It saddens us to hear of incidents of self-harm (many times fatal), especially among young people. People have been isolated from family and friends. The economic impact of the lockdowns has brought despair to many families and businesses. Anecdotes of increased crime in communities are common. There are many out there who “mourn” and in need of the “gift of tears”. 

The ability to offer the “gift of tears” presupposes an act of mercy.  In Gaudete et Exsultate, Pope Francis explains that mercy has two aspects: “(Mercy) involves giving, helping and serving others, but it also includes forgiveness and understanding. (Gaudete et Exsultate, 80)”.  It is the latter that is intrinsically linked to offering the “gift of tears”. We care to understand and put ourselves in the shoes of the person with whom we are mourning. This is empathy. 

We are also reminded in Gaudete et Exsultate that the Lord expects us not only to extend our hand to others, but to offer our pure hearts as well. “A heart that loves God and neighbour (cf. Matthew 22:36-40), genuinely and not merely in words, is a pure heart; it can see God.  (Gaudete et Exsultate, 86)”.  We offer the “gift of tears” without expecting anything back.   

We do not need to be a professional counsellor or a social worker to be able to offer support to those who “mourn”. Nor do we need to wait for people to reach that “breaking point” to need professional help. Many times, a phone call to ask how one is coping, or even a subtle “coffee invite”, would suffice. 

We do not need to look far to find someone who needs a shoulder to cry on or who is in need of just a “listening ear”. Many among our family members and work colleagues are waiting for that call or that invite.  A lot of elderly people in our communities are living alone and are just waiting for someone to knock at their front door to say “hi”.  Or it could be your parish priest who needs some company outside of his Sunday activities. If we are bold enough, we can even volunteer to visit the sick or those in prison. 

Many times, if not always, the offering of the “gift of tears” leads to peace and happiness, not only for the one receiving, but also to the one giving. Thus, Pope Francis challenges us in Gaudete et Exsultate to be sowers of peace: “Peacemakers truly ‘make’ peace; they build peace and friendship in society. To those who sow peace, Jesus makes this magnificent promise: ‘They will be called children of God’ (Matthew 5:9) . . .  We need to be artisans of peace, for building peace is a craft that demands serenity, creativity, sensitivity and skill. (Gaudete et Exsultate, 88, 89).” 

There are a lot of opportunities to share the “gift of tears” this coming year – 365 to be exact.  Let’s make each day of 2022 a gift-giving day! 

• Dr John Evangelista is a medical doctor and a practising counsellor. He studied theology and is currently the Dean of the Catholic Theological College.